by Jean MacKenzie

Did you know that when a person becomes angry chemicals and hormones are released that can affect the way the brain processes information?  For this reason it can be a good idea to call a time out when arguments get heated.   A time out is a scheduled break you agree upon with your partner ahead of time, so that if touchy issues come up, you get stuck, or an argument is escalating out of control, you can say, “Time-out,” and create a little separation.

Time outs can have their problems though.  One of these is that if one person walks away from an argument without making a commitment to return to the issue at hand their partner can feel rejected and like their concerns are seen as unimportant.  Another problem is that if time outs are called but the couple never returns to the issues to resolve them resentment builds up causing a lot of tension in the relationship.

An effective time out is one where you 1) Explain to  your partner that things are getting to heated and you need a break to calm down, 2) Set a time to revisit the issue at hand and 3) Follow through and discuss the issue when you are both able to talk calmly and reasonably.

The best way to ensure that you will use a time out when one is needed is to make sure you have an agreement worked out ahead of time.  Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of an argument to decide on the ground rules for a time out.  Sit down together now and develop a plan, so when the need arises you’ll be able to implement your plan effectively.

When the time comes make sure you clearly state that you are executing a time out.  You may want to state that you are too angry or defensive to think rationally right now or too upset to listen attentively, but make sure you make it clear that you are taking a time out.  The couple must then agree on a specific time and place to revisit the issue before parting ways.

Taking time outs can help to defuse arguments before they get out of hand.  If you and your spouse can learn to recognize when things are beginning to escalate, you can use time outs to keep things from progressing to the point where you say hurtful things that you will later regret.  So, if one or both of you tend to get too hot under the collar every once and a while and important issues get shoved aside as a result, sit down and come up with a time out plan.  It may be just the tool you need to bring some peace and resolution to your relationship.

Jean is a marriage and couples counsellor whose approach in working with couples involves the development of techniques for solving current problems and achieving unending growth in relationships.  Jean strives to assist couples of various backgrounds in learning to solve their own challenges because a couple that knows how to problem solve can keep their love—and their marriage—alive forever.

Jean also offers Catholic counselling to couples wishing to incorporate the Catholic faith into the counselling process, helping couples to develop a relationship pleasing to each other and God.

Jean has a Master of Arts in Counselling from the Franciscan University of Steubenville and has trained in marriage and family therapy.

So, if you think that your relationship could use a little help– or even a lot of help,–give Jean a call today and take that important first step in turning your marriage into a “happily ever after” story.

Where do you start?

Look no further.

1.    Go to www.jeanmackenzie.com and sign up for my free newsletter “Happily Ever After: A Guide to Healthy Relationships,”  filled with helpful tips on how to nurture your relationship. You will also receive the free report, “10 Tips for Resolving Anger in Your Relationship.”

2.    Call today for a free, no obligation, 20 minute phone consultation. We will discuss your problems and together decide how I might be able to help you.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Jean sees clients in her office in Fredericton, NB and offers telephone and online counselling.  She can be reached at: Phone: 506-461-7279 Email: jean@jeanmackenzie.com

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